A series of nearly unfortunate events

(With apologies to Lemony Snicket, whose new short book is incidentally excellent - thanks again to B and J for it!)

Today was almost my first absolute parental meltdown. (Here the word "meltdown" means "it's-too-much-for-one-parent-to-possibly-handle".) And no, it wasn't caused by the child you might think...

Everything started off well enough; a typically full schedule of day's activities, plus planning for a Friday night dinner we were hosting for friends. Meh was working, so she had prepared several yummy desserts ahead of time, and I was of course on the books for making the always-demanded challah bread. The first glitch of the day was that the morning got off to a bit of a slow start and Meh had to cruise to work, so the brisket was left in my (capable?) hands to make.

Meh and I have philosophically different cooking styles; I prefer detailed recipes (even if I adjust ingredients or improvise a few extra spices). Meh is happy enough to often make it up as she goes along, eyeball some ingredients, substitute others, and it always comes out incredibly tasty. We thankfully balance each other quite well, with her being the amazing pastry chef and me painstakingly following through recipes for cooking and bread-making. (Yes, I do keep my challah recipe out and in front of me even though I likely have it memorized by now. Once I didn't use it, and I forgot to add salt -- you see?)

Anyway, back to the brisket, no prob, I found a recipe online that called for the ingredients Meh has used before -- chuck them all (including an unlikely but surprisingly effective can of soda pop) into the crock pot for 8 hours, and you're good to go with an excellently tender brisket. I checked on it through the morning and it seemed to be doing well. Zachary watched happily as I discussed the preparation; I often do a little cooking show for him and he seems enthralled.

Next, he and I went off to run some errands and then to meet mommy for lunch. He gave her a big smile and again was back to sticking his tongue out with happiness, and cooing with delight. Zachary said 'ooooh!', which here means something like "I'm making a super poopy diaper", and sure enough, we found out one of the reasons for the happy noises when something started to leak through his outfit. Yup, a blowout - Meh thinks this was his first, er, solid event in several days, and boy did he make the most of it. Then while Meh was changing him, there were multiple angles of, ehm, counterattack, and we exhausted our portable wipe supply (along with his outfit of course) in the free-for-all that ensued.

Zachary and I headed home with an increasing laundry list (a literal one), plus I had to finish up the dinner prep, and try to get Zachary to take a nap, and take care of the dog... First things first - nap time. Upstairs we went, and he was getting mellowed out and heavy-lidded when I heard an enormous crash. At first I thought another tree or power line had come down, some kind of delayed windstorm or ice-induced branch snapping off. Then I realized in horror what else might cause that kind of crash on a smaller and closer scale.

I dashed downstairs with Zachary still in hand to find my fears realized; Korby had somehow managed to pull the entire crock pot down from the counter, where it had crashed onto the floor and sprayed brisket and juices everywhere. I think the initial noise had startled even our selectively deaf dog, as he was just now starting to lick up the corner of a giant steaming pool of gravy and tomatoes. This was where the conundrum started -- Zachary sensed I was slightly upset, and started crying. Korby ignored my scolding and one-handed attempts to pry him away from the gravy. I ended up having to half-drag him across the kitchen and into his house, then soothe Zachary for a few minutes, before depositing the latter in his jumperoo and the former outside on his leash to try to salvage the mess that was our dinner for four.

Thankfully, the brisket itself seemed intact, and we'd just had the floors cleaned a few days earlier in the week. Plus it was still going to be cooking for a few more hours, so I logicked that the cooking would implicitly resterilize it or something. I then had a go at cleaning the floors, though I knew that no matter how thorough I was, Korby would still get a second go at it when he came in. Sure enough, despite multiple passes with mops, paper towels, and yes, cleaning agents, Korby spent the rest of the day licking various surfaces of our kitchen. I later found drops sprayed on our refrigerator, on the opposite wall of the kitchen. Oh, and the crock pot now has a nice dent in one side (with a matching one in the kitchen floor), though it still seems perfectly functional.

Somehow I did manage to find the time to finish Zachary's washloads, set the table, run the dishwasher, bake the challah, keep the dog at least somewhat in check, and keep Zachary entertained, but I was definitely pretty frazzled by the end of the day. This stay-at-home parenting stuff is hard! Anyway, I did warn our guests, but the brisket came out tasting pretty decent -- though I think the interruption (and the loss/recreation of sauce I had to create) made it a little drier than intended.

Note to self: always barricade all sources of food (and even the most far-fetched questionably food-like substances) when Korby will be around.