The Biggest Loser

There is a joke in my family that I am a loser. That is, that I lose stuff. Lots of stuff. Sometimes stuff that normal people would have a hard time losing. Some of the stuff I've lost:

Gold locket (twice: once in sandbox, found by teacher, once forever)

A 20" x 20" framed piece of art (left at the airport, later recovered)

Countless sweaters/sweatshirts/hats/earrings

My turquoise unicorn ring (gosh, I loved that ring...for the week or so I had it before losing it)

All of my mother's vintage Barbie clothing (well, I was only four at the time)

Last week I took off my wedding rings and placed them atop my folded pants on top of the toilet while I applied lotion to my Seattle-winter-scaly legs. Once finished, I carelessly grabbed the trousers, flinging both rings. I found the band on the floor just inside the bedroom, but my engagement ring was nowhere to be found. I crawled around the floor, looked under everything that had an under, and shook out the pants. I finally realized that there were only two places it could have gone: into the toilet bowl, or down the heating vent. I stuck my hand into the mercifully clean bowl and felt around, but it wasn't there. That left the vent.

I was on my belly with a eyeshadow mirror and flashlight, Zachary playing with toys nearby and whining "neh, neh, neh!" Finally, forehead to the floor tiles, I saw a glimmer, and called a vent cleaning place to see if they could help. They informed me that the machinery they used wouldn't retrieve a ring, and that I should try a clothes hanger coated with duct tape. "If that doesn't do it, someone will have to come in there and tear up the floor," they informed me. Sobbing and thinking of my beautiful,one-of-a-kind ring and our practically brand new bathroom floor, I called Scott, scared that he would be disappointed in me, to say the least. He once again proved his saintliness by calming me and promising to help get it out when he got home.

We tried more hangers (it took three taped together to get down to where the ring was), as well as the vacuum cleaner, with no luck. We were off to Boston on the red-eye that night, so I called people to come rip up the floor the day we got back.

This morning, I brought down the laundry. As I bent down to pick up a pair of pants, the ring was there on the floor!!! It must have slipped into the pocket of the original pair of pants, stayed put through the shaking, the wearing, the throwing of the pants into the laundry basket, and the trip downstairs, only to fall out just then. All I can say is nes gadol haya poh!

Only one mystery remains: what's down in the heating vent?